Comments on: Deciding to End a Life

By: Mary Jamison

Mary Jamison — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:21:28 +0000

My heart goes out to you. I’ve been remembering my father’s death, with all this talk. Unlike you, we had his wishes in writing, and yet following through on them was agonizing. The experience was profound, and our gratitude for that piece of paper was immeasurable.

You don’t need an attorney. Google “Five Wishes” for help in thinking through the questions. The most important thing, though, is to appoint a health care proxy – someone who can speak for you when you can’t, regardless of whether you’re at the end of life or unconscious.

I offer a seminar twice a year where I work, based on a seminar offered by this doctor and insurance co. http://www.compassionandsupport.org/

By: janinsanfran

janinsanfran — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 15:50:15 +0000

I had to do that for my mother. Fortunately, we had talked. She didn’t have the papers, but she had made her wishes clear. It is indeed the hardest thing a child can do for a parent.

A friend of mine is right now staying with her mother who has just been diagnosed with leukemia. That friend has a 3 year old child, a stable partnership, a successful career. But she writes to me: “I don’t think I’m ready to become an adult and lose my mom.” For those of us for whom this sort of decision becomes necessary (I think there are more of us as medicine becomes more able to prolong life), it too is a sort of life passage.

Thanks for sharing your story.

By: Darlene

Darlene — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:50:25 +0000

I hope this provision will be put back in the final bill. It is outrageous that it was stripped just to appease a bunch of no-nothings.

I had to make a similar decision with my husband. He was dying with multiple terminal brain tumors, couldn’t speak, feed himself, or even turn over in bed. He had a strong heart and had hung on for months trapped in his own body.

Finally my husband pulled the catheter out and got an infection. The doctor asked me if I wanted to have the infection treated and I had to make the decision alone. My husband had never discussed this with me and didn’t have a living will.

I knew that my husband would hate living in the condition he was in and so I asked the doctor if he could keep him comfortable. The doctor assured me he could so I told him, “No. Don’t treat the infection.” I still feel guilt by having to decide to let him die sooner than he might have. No one should have to feel that guilt. A living will would have taken the burden from me. Everyone, young and old, should have one made. The forms that comply with your state’s laws can be gotten from the Health Department.

By: Jack Kenderdine

Jack Kenderdine — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 18:07:18 +0000

Even though my parents both had the forethought to legally document their wishes and discussed them openly with family multiple times, it was still a decision that fell mostly to me when their times came. While not easy, it was made without regret or much looking back. My wife and I have made similar preparations, but we are fortunate to have the ability to hire an attorney to help us with this. My only qualm is that it isn’t always clear cut when your time is up. I had multiple doctors inform me that my mom was a palliative care patient in the summer of 2006, yet she refused it and came back to live a decent quality of life until she expired a couple weeks after this past Thanksgiving. At that point, praise God, she still had her mental faculties and told us she felt at nearly 90 years she had finally had enough; and we should allow nature to have its way. But doctors and nurses often too easily accept a DNR request as binding and immediate, hard to describe because it is complicated. They don’t seem always to understand that a lucid patient always has the right to stay, modify or rescind that order. This is why discussions with friends, doctors and families about this uncomfortable subject is necessary, and why it should be a part of rational public discourse.