As I Was Saying…

Chatter, memories and rants. Please, don't stop me if you've heard this one before.





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Confessions from the New New Frontier

Restuck in time

Monday, May 31, 2010 - 10:30 pm - My parents joke that when I was born in the summer of 1980, I joined my childhood already ten or fifteen years in progress. Like everything really funny, there is a lot of truth to it. In elementary school, for example, I listened to Billy Joel instead of New Kids on the Block and my [...]

The fat thing

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 - 2:58 am - My roommate my freshman year of college once told me, “You’re a bigger girl, but it works for you.” I recall that at the time, I was pretty crushed. She fretted when clothes ran small and a size 2 wouldn’t fit, once semi-bragged that she never allowed herself to eat more than 15 grams of [...]

In defense of ?America?

Sunday, March 22, 2009 - 2:24 pm - Orwell was a patriot, a patriot in the sense that he was able to identify things as characteristically “English” which he admired and felt a sense, however intangible, of personal pride in being associated with them. At the same time, he was very open in public and in private about his fierce opposition to British [...]

A belated answer

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 - 11:22 pm - Part of the hiring process in the English Department at UMB is going out to lunch with a group of students so they can check you out and pass along their impressions to the faculty. Yesterday, I was one of these student representatives, and the complimentary buffet isn’t the only thing I’ve chewing on since. [...]

Feeling Old at Any Age

May 21, 2009

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.

 

Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.

 

And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.

—A.E. Housman

I wish I had had this little poem handy when I turned 25. That was the only time in my life that I really felt old. The phrase “quarter century” echoed in my mind and kept me more or less depressed for weeks.

Worse, I felt self-conscious about feeling bad. When I thought about it, I knew that twenty-five is not old, damn it, by any definition. Yet I felt ancient, and I felt stupid about feeling ancient. It was a losing proposition from every angle.

In 12 short lines, Housman seems to capture a similar phenomenon without self-consciousness as the ”I” in the poem realizes he has “only” 50 of the biblical three score and ten left to live. There I was at 25, with “only” 45 left!

If the three score and ten is accurate, as of next month I’ll have only seven left; yet I feel younger than I did at 25.

One Response to “Feeling Old at Any Age”

  1. Jack Kenderdine Says:

    Again, “thanks for the memories.” I know well the feelings of a fellow “old soul.” This personality trait has been often pointed out to me in the pejorative sense; but as you aptly point out, we tend to feel a bit younger than our chronological years when we finally reach senior status. I don’t think this is so much a case of denial of our advancing years as it is a grateful acceptance of that for which we have prepared. That is, expecting to be old one day increases the likelihood of its happening.

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