As I Was Saying…

Chatter, memories and rants. Please, don't stop me if you've heard this one before.





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Confessions from the new New Frontier

Artemis: a few years (not quite millenia) late

Sunday, July 21, 2013 - 4:38 am - I found this poem tucked in the diary I kept during my sophomore and junior year of college. I’m not sure when exactly I wrote it; in fact, I have no clear memory of writing, only of having written it. But it is definitely from sometime during those years. It owes a lot to Billy [...]

Seeing Red

Monday, July 8, 2013 - 8:42 pm - At the end of every school year, I spend a week or two at my parents’ in Portland as a reboot, and to that end, my mother and I got our nails done yesterday. It’s not the kind of thing I do often, since I never like to give the impression that I fuss over [...]

Accidents Will Happen

Monday, June 24, 2013 - 3:18 am - From: gregory hunter <hunterg166@xxxxx.com> To: Elizabeth Sampson <ebef12@yahoo.com> Sent: Friday, February 2, 2007 1:31 AM Subject: Re: God Only Knows sorry for the jaunty note. i (for some reason) figured the note would be returned to me. you were gone, i surmised, off writing some arresting novel elsewhere. teaching, studying… away. a different address. i [...]

Exercise:

Tuesday, December 11, 2012 - 4:30 am - Write a lyric essay about one of the 50 states in 15 minutes. It’s July or August or Christmas Eve and that means it’s time to eat lobster. We pretend that it’s actually cheaper for us than for the rest of the country, and when we can’t do that, at least we can say that [...]

Kids Today, I Tellya…

May 13, 2008

Our youth love luxury. They have bad manners and contempt for authority. They show disrespect for their elders and love idle chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants not the servants of the household. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food, and tyrannize their teachers.

—attributed to Socrates, c. 450 BC

It’s a good thing we have written records of this bit of conventional wisdom. Otherwise, each generation might be tempted to believe no one ever thought of it before. Here is a partial list of the things that might draw me into it:

  • tattoos
  • piercings
  • Top 40 radio
  • celebrity culture
  • iPods
  • MySpace
  • mouth breathers

I deleted a few things from the list before publishing this post, because despite my intention to write this with a cool head and a broad perspective I was really getting worked up. (Have you seen the way some kids dress? Have you listened to the crap on the radio?) It’s just so damned easy to criticize kids and to forget that many of the irritating things they do are done specifically for the purpose of irritating people like me. This is how it has always been and how it probably should be.

These days I’m having a pretty good time on the “older generation” side of things, but I also had some fun when I was on the “younger generation” side. For example, I remember arguing with my grandfather about safe driving. This was in 1963 or 1964. Gramp was about 83, and I was about 17.

The argument was about whether old timers or teens were worse drivers. I knew that Gramp, when cornered, would instinctively manufacture evidence to support his position, and he didn’t disappoint. On this particular occasion, he pulled a statistic out of thin air and announced that teenage drivers had twice as many accidents as drivers over 65.

So, that’s how it’s going to be, I thought. Inspiration struck, and I was ready for him with a made up stat of my own.

“Of course we do,” I said, “There are twice as many of us!”

It stopped him cold. “There are?” he asked.

Victory was mine, but I couldn’t keep a straight face. Before long, Gramp couldn’t either. We had caught each other in similar lies at precisely the same moment. He was badly crippled by arthritis by this point in his life, but he extended his hand and I shook it. Man to man.

It was the best moment with him I ever had.

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